Mark Wahlberg Talks to Athletes

This post is inspired by Saturday Night Lives sketch called “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals”, I call this one “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Athletes”

“Hey, I’m Mark Wahlberg… you guys know me.  I use to be called Marky Mark.  That’s right, Marky Mark. Let’s go talk to some athletes”

“Hey Tiger Woods.  You’re not a real Tiger are you?  You don’t look like one?  What’s that all about?  I heard you pulled out of the Playa’s Championship.  Was that because you were confused by the name of the tournament and were disappointed that there weren’t any girls there?  I played golf in an episode of Entourage once.  I produce Entourage.  That’s pretty cool.  Alright, say hi to your motha for me.”

“Ok, now I’m gonna talk to a hockey playa.”

“Hey Johan, I’m Mark Wahlberg.  Johan’s a pretty gay name what’s up with that?  Is it French or something?  I heard they call you the mule.  I talked to a donkey once.  That was pretty awesome.  I like donkeys and now I like mules.  Hey, did you ever see The Departed?  I was in that.  Well… say hi to your motha.”

“Now I’m gonna talk to Shaq.”

“Hey Shaq, you know me I was in We Own the Night, that was a good movie.  I like your head, it’s totally bald and smooth.  Did you see how much hair I had in Rock Star? That was an awesome movie.  You know how they call you The Diesel?  Do you drive a diesel car?  I don’t.   Your feet are huge… what’s that all about?  Alright, well…. say hi to your motha for me.”

“Ok now I’m going to talk to Michael Phelps.”

“Hi Michael Phelps you’re a swimmer right?  That’s cool.  Did you see me swim in the ice cold water in the Italian Job?  That water wasn’t actually that cold… the ice was Styrofoam.  Hey, you smoked pot one time.  Do you still?  Cause I do.  What’s up with the intense face?  I’m pretty intense.  You want to see me do push ups?  Hey, you eat a lot right?  What’s up with that?  I don’t.  Alright, cool… say hi to your motha for me.”

One Response to “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Athletes”

  1. [...] Michael Phelps.” ballsofwax.wordpress.com [...]

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