Excellent Adventures

The chorus to Rod Stewart’s song “Ooh La La” goes,

I wish – that – I knew what I know now when I was younger

I wish – that – I knew what I know now when I was stronger

I’m not very old so I don’t often find myself longing to go back to grade 6 so that I can demonstrate the unreal math skills I obtained in high school.  Nor do I long to go back to novice hockey and be the only player on the team that knows where to stand on a 1-2-2 forecheck.  What I do long for is to go back in time with the technologies the world has today.

Think about this!

You’re fighting against the British in the Battle of Waterloo and all the British dummies line up in a stupid line 50 paces away from you (like the idiots all soldiers seemed to be back in the day).  Then, before the British have time drop to one knee and listen for the “fire” command, you pull out a XM312 .50 cal machine gun (I assume this is a sweet gun… Wikipedia told me so) and you mow down the entire British army before any of them have time to say, “Blow Me” (look up the British meaning).  You then become Napoleon’s best friend who you later kill with your XM312 .50 cal machine gun and become the ruler of France!

Or

You travel back to the 1910s and are playing hockey for the Toronto Blueshirts.  However, you take all the best gear with you and modern training methods and systems.  You finish the 12 game season with 537 shots on net and 534 goals because lets face it goalies had no idea what they were doing back in the day and all players appeared to be in slow motion.  Which is funny because if you watch old WWI videos it looks like all the soldiers are marching at an incredibly fast pace.  So, if hockey players look like they are skating slowly they must hardly be moving.

Finally

You’re living in Portugal in the 15th century and competing with Spain for sea and trading supremacy.  The king of Portugal is looking for some more territory to expand the Portuguese Empire and obtain much needed resources.  The king is displeased with the explorers he has commissioned to find this new land because they can’t seem to figure out how to not sail in circles.  You go to the king with your private jet and tell him you’ll find new land 5000 kms away and be back by dinner.  He says, “No way!”  You do it, and marry 534 Portuguese Princesses (One for each goal you scored in the 1912 NHL hockey season) and live happily ever after with your private jet in the 15th century.

One Response to “Excellent Adventures”

  1. [...] posted an article called Excellent Adventures several months ago about how I thought it would be sweet to travel back in time to a significant [...]

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