“I want to go to Egypt and Japan and open orphanages—a chain of them.”

I was recently asked to write an article about Lindsay Lohan by one of my 7 fans.  Naturally, what my fans want my fans get.  This task turned out to be a little more difficult than first expected because as it turns out I know nothing about Lindsay Lohan other then she use to be covered in freckles but no longer is.  Consequently, I had to do some research and there is no better place to do research about Lindsay Lohan than on websites like TMZ, Perez Hilton and Oh No They Didn’t.  As it turns out, Lindsay Lohan basically went for a shit in 2007 and was never able to stop wiping.

It’s been more then three years since she dropped her pants and it looks like her dump will continue as she begins her 90 day jail sentence on Tuesday for being a gear box.  I’m not 100% sure why she has to go to jail but I think it has something to do with being a talentless actress and unsuccessful singer and thinking that gave her the right to get shit faced and drive as she pleased, abuse prescription medication, violate the terms of her probation as if the terms did not exist and pretend she was a lesbian.  Lindsay Lohan is an absolute stain on society that will likely learn little if anything from her time in prison.   All the SCRAM bracelets in the world will not alter this girl’s life style.  I propose a cinder block around the ankle and a swim in the Pacific.  If she makes it to shore, she might have a chance.


2 Responses to ““I want to go to Egypt and Japan and open orphanages—a chain of them.””

  1. Exceeded expectations, buddy.

  2. Gear box! Thank you for using that phrase, you’re making society better one post at a time Boot.

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