Segways That Kill
Less than a year ago British businessman Jim Heselden purchased the Segway company from American inventor Dean Kamen. In an unconventional and likely accidental marketing ploy, Heselden fell to his death yesterday after riding one of his Segway scooters off a cliff.
I feel as though all business owners should parish at the hands of their products. The owner of General Motors should die in a car accident; the owner of Weed Eater should die in a freak weed eater accident, the owner of Nike should die of a heart attack while in the middle of a run and the owner of Trojan condoms should die mid-thrust after his penis falls off for some unfortunate reason.
Come to think of it, I think this is already taught as a Law of Business in the prestigious St. Mary’s University Commerce program… Yes it definitely is! And I quote, “Business Law 12-A. All business owners must be killed by the product they own… kind of like how Gozer made the Ghostbusters choose their own destructor at the end of the first Ghostbusters movie.”