Archive for the Education Category

UBC LipDub… Not How I Remember UBC!

Posted in Education with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2011 by Jordan

A couple of days ago I received an email with a link attached to it with a caption reading, “Not quite how you remembered it, eh?”  Intrigued by the caption, I clicked the link and watched the corresponding video which was a video created to help University of British Columbia (UBC) students feel a stronger connection to their largely commuter based school.  As a graduate of UBC, I must say I thought the video was pretty well done; however, what I saw in this video is in no way shape or form a reflexion of what I experienced at UBC while obtaining either or my degrees.

It’s very possible that the culture of the Point Grey campus has changed since I graduate in 2009 (I hardly doubt it but I am willing to concede that it is possible). I have a lot of memories of my time at UBC but none of them include anything portrayed in this video.

It’s not raining once in this video, which is about as likely at UBC as Kirstie Alley not weighing over 250 lbs.  Furthermore, the people in the video are completely out off character and misrepresented.  There aren’t more than seven white people that actually attend UBC so I’m not sure where all the white people in the video came from, Asian people don’t stand in libraries, they sleep on their calculus textbooks, and the engineers wouldn’t be caught dead near an Arts building due to various pretensions.  To top it all off, students at UBC don’t make eye contact with each other.  They burry their heads, walk into each other, and continue on with their days without saying a word to one other.  I also didn’t see one frat guy aggressively soliciting a student to join their frat, which is odd because I think frats are obsessed with doing that.

Despite all these oversights, the two most obvious aspects missing from this video are that there isn’t one heroin addict mumbling to themselves on the bus and there isn’t one homeless person armpit deep in a garbage can looking for discarded treasures.  How these two aspects were overlooked when making this video about UBC are beyond me.  Interacting with drug addicts and homelessness on a daily basis is an entrenched aspect of life as a UBC student.  I think it would have been pretty cool to see a disheveled mess mumbling to themselves during the scene on the bus or to see a homeless guy with his entire torso in the garbage can outside the Aquatic Center.

Alas, you can’t always get what you want and I’m sure it is very difficult to get drug addicts and homeless people to cooperate with an artistic vision.

Man vs Food vs Reduced Life Expectancy

Posted in Education, Television with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 25, 2011 by Jordan

The technology of television is unbelievably fascinating to me.  When I was a kid watching wrestling in the 80s, TV’s were pieces of furniture that sat on the floor of the living room and weighed about 300 lbs.  Now, TV’s are pieces of art mounted on walls that are no thicker than a Gordon Korman book and weigh about 30 lbs.

 

The evolution of TV’s over the last 20 years is both impressive and remarkable. What’s not impressive and remarkable is how dormant and contradictory TV programming is on a nightly basis.  For example, The Biggest Loser on NBC documents the physical and mental process of morbidly obese individuals as they learn to drastically alter their lifestyles while competing against each other to lose the most weight.  This is both a positive and educational show that most North American’s can actually benefit from.   On the other hand, you can flip to OLN on any given night and find a show called Man vs. Food.  For those that have not seen this show, Man vs. Food basically takes everything positive The Biggest Loser has achieved over the last 10 years and marginalizes it with every 30-minute episode.   Man vs. Food follows a guy named Adam Richman around America as he exhibits unique American comfort food and attempts to complete a nearly impossible food eating challenge.

 

Man vs. Food is everything that is wrong with North America.  It promotes excess, greed and poor manners.  If this guy came over to my place for dinner and talked with his mouths full as he moaned with ecstasy, I would have no choice but to thank him for his awkward compliments and kick him the fuck out of my home.  Adam Richman is 30 lbs away from being the likable chubby guy that showcases food around America to competing on the next season of The Biggest Loser.

 

So basically what I’m trying to say here is The Biggest Loser is like a 50 inch plasma mounted on your wall; while, Man vs. Food is like the TV in my grandma’s basement.  It’s outdated, clunky and uses a rotary dial to change the channel.

Ballsy Journey

Posted in Education, People with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2010 by Jordan

It’s not often that Antoine Dodson and Edward Cullen are in the same room together but this happened just a couple of weeks ago at a Halloween party.  Dressed as Antoine Dodson I circulated the room warning all in attendance to hide their kids, wives and husbands because rumor had it there was a rapist in the area who was adamant he rape everybody.  I stumbled upon Edward Cullen and provided him with the same counsel that I had provided everyone else.  Edward seemed appreciative so we engaged in a lengthy conversation on various topics including Movember.  As we talked, it was revealed that Edward Cullen was not Twilight’s Edward Cullen at all but rather Thomas Cantley, a filmmaker from New York and cancer survivor.

 

Thomas was diagnosed with testicular cancer last year at the age of 26 and was very open with me about his experience.  He explained that he was reluctant to go see a physician despite the persistent pains he had been having in his lower abdomen. He told me that it wasn’t until his testicle swelled to the size of a grapefruit and the pain overwhelmed him that he actually went to see a doctor.  By this time the cancer had spread to his stomach and it appeared his chances of overcoming the disease were slim.  After showing me the massive scare from his surgery that runs up the center of his stomach, Thomas told me he had created a charity specifically for testicular cancer called Ballsy.

 

Now cancer free, Thomas is in the process of creating the Ballsy Journey that will see a group of people push a 7 ft. ball from Halifax to Toronto as a means of creating awareness and a proactive attitude towards testicular cancer.  In addition, he is making a documentary called Ballsy that will tell the story of his own experience and the experiences of other testicular cancer patients.

 

Thomas is an incredibly positive and ambitious young adult that has seen the light and made a serious commitment to make a difference in this world.  I encourage all to visit the Ballsy website and join the Ballsy Journey Facebook Group.

 

Furthermore, if you happen to see a 7 ft. ball being pushed down the street in the near future or you find that your own balls hurt more then normal… Look into it!  If you don’t have balls, just check out the 7 ft. ball.

 

Hammerhead Shark Women

Posted in Education with tags , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2010 by Jordan

This post is dedicated to women that are the offspring of hammerhead sharks.  Most people don’t realize that sharks can re-produce humans… but they can.  After a shark eats a human they digest the person and later rebirth it as a totally different person.  In every case study of hammerhead shark women, the women are 99% genetically the same as a woman created by two humans.  The one percent difference lies in the eyes.  Hammerhead shark women retain the eye genetics of the shark 100% of the time.  It’s unfortunate, but it’s science.

Here are some examples of hammerhead shark women.  99% human, 1% hammerhead shark.

Leah Miller does a wonderful job hosting So You Think You Can Dance Canada; however, she is often spotted circling the contestants backstage as she awaits her midnight snack to be kicked off the show.

 

 

 

 

 
Lucy Liu is without question the hottest hammerhead shark woman that exists but is like tits on a bull when it comes to playing catch in the backyard.

 

 

 

 

 

Katherine Heigl made a name for herself on Gray’s Anatomy but it was nearly impossible to make the neck in any of her 27 dresses big enough.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyra Banks was the “it” runway model in the 1990s but what the crowds lining the catwalks didn’t know was that the head piece she always wore was not an accessory but rather her eyes protruding out the side of her head.

 

 

 

 

Torri Spelling is the Eve of hammerhead shark women.  She frequents clown academies on a regular basis just to find sunglasses with the width necessary to shield her eyes from the powerful California sun.

 

 

 

 

Hammerhead shark women… they’re scary, they’re dangerous and they’re real.

Leave it to Bieber

Posted in Education with tags , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2010 by Jordan

There was an interesting article in the Globe and Mail today called ‘Failing Boys: The Endangered Male Teacher’.  The gist of the article basically links the failures of male students to the fact that male teachers in an elementary school are about as common as Kate Moss at a Chinese buffet.   In addition, the article touches on the social stigma that school and learning has become a “girl thing” due to the lack of male role models in the school.  With one in two marriages ending in divorce and girls getting knocked up at a young age it’s not uncommon for young boys to grow up having no contact with adult males (I’m not talking about the Catholic church kind adult contact either) in their pre-adolescent and adolescent lives.

To be perfectly honest I think this theory is completely overrated.  Kids don’t need direct contact with male role models in their life anymore because there are more then enough in the media.  Think about it.  You have Tiger Woods banging average looking Perkins waitresses in Florida, Brett Favre texting pictures of his wiener to a chick that is way out of his league and Justin Bieber bitch slapping a 12-year-old infant because he beat him at Laser Tag.

From these three public role models a young male can learn at lest three important life lessons.  First, looks aren’t everything – a woman’s true beauty is within.  Second, shoot for the stars – don’t place limits on yourself.  Last, stand up for yourself – don’t take shit from your peers/children.

There you go.  What can a male teacher possible provide a young male student that TMZ can’t?

The answer is nothing.

So if you are a single mother or a lesbian mother wanting to provide your little boy with a male influence just sit him down in front of the computer and type in www.tmz.com and I guarantee your child will get all the male influence they need.

No. 2 Poo Poo… In Your Face!

Posted in Education with tags , , , , on September 30, 2010 by Jordan

There are more than a few interesting comments made at this anti-homosexuality press conference in Uganda, none of which I endorse in any way shape or form by the way.  Most comments are more descriptive and suggestive than is required which suggests to me that this guy talking has first hand experience in such activities.  Despite the exemplary picture painted of the gay community by this man the thing that shocks me the most about watching this video is that they have MacBook Pro computers in Africa.  People in Canada can’t even afford MacBook Pro computers… how can this guy afford one?

Segways That Kill

Posted in Education, Movies, Technology with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 28, 2010 by Jordan

Less than a year ago British businessman Jim Heselden purchased the Segway company from American inventor Dean Kamen.  In an unconventional and likely accidental marketing ploy, Heselden fell to his death yesterday after riding one of his Segway scooters off a cliff.

I feel as though all business owners should parish at the hands of their products.  The owner of General Motors should die in a car accident; the owner of Weed Eater should die in a freak weed eater accident, the owner of Nike should die of a heart attack while in the middle of a run and the owner of Trojan condoms should die mid-thrust after his penis falls off for some unfortunate reason.

Come to think of it, I think this is already taught as a Law of Business in the prestigious St. Mary’s University Commerce program… Yes it definitely is!  And I quote, “Business Law 12-A.  All business owners must be killed by the product they own… kind of like how Gozer made the Ghostbusters choose their own destructor at the end of the first Ghostbusters movie.”

Great movie!

Molotov Cocktail Anyone?

Posted in Education with tags on August 30, 2010 by Jordan

I attended a riveting work function yesterday on my day off which is exactly what I wanted to do on the nicest day of the summer.  During the stimulating gathering one of my co-workers mentioned that when she was in high school someone threw a Molotov cocktail into the school’s library burning it to the ground.  This was actually a pretty interesting conversation for a work function so many follow up questions ensued.  One of the follow up questions enquired about the repercussions for the individual who committed the crime.   It turns out that Molotov Cocktail Boy went around in advance telling everyone that he was going to throw a Molotov cocktail into the library and burn it to the ground.  So, when he actually did it there wasn’t a big investigation and the dummy was expelled.  My co-worker ensured me that he wasn’t a very good student so it wasn’t a big deal.  I’m sitting there thinking, “You mean to tell me that a guy that goes around school telling everyone that he’s going to throw a Molotov cocktail into the library in advance then throws a Molotov cocktail into the library wasn’t a good student?  Shocking.”

I can envision how the student’s meeting with the principal went.  The principal sits the kid down and says, “I’ve got good news and bad news.  The good news is that you are mixing various chemicals and liquids at a university level, which is enough to earn you the schools chemistry award.  The bad news is, you are mixing chemicals and liquids at a university level, you clearly have mental issues, you burnt down half the school, you’re going to jail, I’m expelling you from this school and your not going to get that chemistry award.  However, you are quite skilled at chemistry so you might want to pursue that passion after you get out of jail.”

Notice the sandwich feedback here, the kids an idiot and his life is ruined but the principal leaves the kid thinking that he is a skilled and promising chemist and that there is still hope for him.  What the kid is not aware of at this point is that there is no hope for him and he will likely be the mama in jail.

Rape is Rarely Funny…

Posted in Education with tags on August 6, 2010 by Jordan

The only time rape becomes acceptable to joke about is when it is unsuccessful and the people involved unintentionally turn their story into a Mad TV skit. 

Check out this video

You definitely have a rape problem in your neighbour hood when you need to start hiding your husbands from rapists.  Hardly anyone’s husbands ever got raped where I came from so you know the rapists in this guy’s neighbour hood mean business. 

Living in the projects must be tough!

No good video on youtube goes by without being turned into a remix anymore and this one is no exception.

Enjoy!

Perfect Parenting

Posted in Education with tags , , , , on July 30, 2010 by Jordan

I came across this video a couple of days ago and it is worth a watch because of its reassuring message.

Out of all the movies a grade 2 class could recreate I can’t think of a more perfect choice!  This was a bang on recreation of not only the dialogue from this famous Scarface scene but it is also a bang on recreation of the Scarface set.  Note the pile of popcorn on the desk replacing the giant pile of coke that is on Tony’s desk in the actual movie… Perfect!

There are a couple of things that really spoke to me when watching this video.  I loved when the classic looking nerdy teacher was spotted on stage directing the armed small child towards his classmate so he could shoot him in the back.  While obtaining my Bachelor of  Education degree we were continuously told to encourage students to emulate gangsters, drug dealers and murders so props to this teacher for actually transferring the practicality of this message into the actual classroom.  I also really enjoyed the line from Tony, “I’ve got a fudging joke for a wife.”  I think this is a perfect message to send to young boys.  These young kids are going to be men some day and the sooner they learn the appropriate way to talk to women the better.  So, I think it’s safe to say these kids are on the right track.  The last point of note is that it’s great to see parents so enthused about their children’s school play.  My parent’s always attended my bush school plays and acted like they were enthused… I’m sure they weren’t… well I’m sure at least half of them weren’t that enthused but it was always nice to see them in the crowd.  These kids clearly have the same support I had as a young lad.  However, their parents did provide them with something my parents never did.  I don’t recall my parents ever whistling and yelling, “YEAH!” after I shot one of my buddies on stage and told him that he “fudged with the wrong guy.”

I guess the whole point of this post is to state that we can all rest easy knowing that kids are learning what they need to learn in school to become productive members of society upon their exit from an academic setting.  Today’s children are being nurtured by histories finest generation of teachers and parents who are clearly committed to fostering a greater human race.  I conclude this post knowing full well that the world is in good hands and we have nothing to fear.

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