Archive for the Movies Category

Grease II is a Cool Rider

Posted in Movies, Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2011 by Jordan

When I was in high school the song “Summer Nights” was played at every high school dance I went to despite the fact that the movie Grease came out six years before I was even born.  Even more peculiar than the playing of “Summer Nights” was that everyone seemed to know all the lyrics to it.  Despite the fact that my peers had an acute knowledge of this jam, I always found myself faking my way through the entire song.

 

You see, while everyone was going crazy upon hearing the opening lyrics, “Summer lovin’ had me a blast”  I was  standing there thinking “I could really go for some ‘Cool Rider’ right about now.” Why was I thinking this?… because I have yet to watch the movie Grease nor do I care to watch it because there’s no possible way it could be as good as its sequel Grease II.

 

Grease II embodies everything a good high school musical should embody.  The action is focused around the prestige and thrill of motorcycles, but is complimented with a well-choreographed bowling scene and an unpredictable Luau.  It has hot chicks, a guy with an English accent, and a youthful Shooter McGavin with his collar popped constantly.  There is no possible way the first Grease could ever live up to the success and critical acclaim of Grease II.  As a result, I will never watch the first Grease and accept the fact that John Travolta was once skinny.

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Segways That Kill

Posted in Education, Movies, Technology with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 28, 2010 by Jordan

Less than a year ago British businessman Jim Heselden purchased the Segway company from American inventor Dean Kamen.  In an unconventional and likely accidental marketing ploy, Heselden fell to his death yesterday after riding one of his Segway scooters off a cliff.

I feel as though all business owners should parish at the hands of their products.  The owner of General Motors should die in a car accident; the owner of Weed Eater should die in a freak weed eater accident, the owner of Nike should die of a heart attack while in the middle of a run and the owner of Trojan condoms should die mid-thrust after his penis falls off for some unfortunate reason.

Come to think of it, I think this is already taught as a Law of Business in the prestigious St. Mary’s University Commerce program… Yes it definitely is!  And I quote, “Business Law 12-A.  All business owners must be killed by the product they own… kind of like how Gozer made the Ghostbusters choose their own destructor at the end of the first Ghostbusters movie.”

Great movie!

Rule No. 1 – Don’t Mess With “The Hof”

Posted in Movies, Television with tags , , , , , , , on September 16, 2010 by Jordan

Today I inquired with the LC as to when Dancing with the Stars fires up this year.  The most specific answer she could give was “pretty soon” which was good enough for me.  Show’s like Dancing with the Stars don’t typically tickle my fancy because the stars are usually “C” class hacks that don’t deserve to have their names and the word star in the same sentence.  This year’s show isn’t much different than years past with the likes of dopey eyes Audrina from The Hills and “The Situation” from Jersey Shore joining the cast.  However, these two fame whores are over shadowed by a real star… “The Hof”.  That’s right former Baywatch star and now walking sideshow David Hasselhoff is in this year’s Dancing with the Stars.  “The Hof” is definitely a star worth tuning in for.

Apparently “The Hof” has already begun choreographing his first routine.  It is reported that “The Hof” will run onto the stage in slow motion to his own song “Looking for Freedom” after crushing 30 plus beers.  He will then proceed to try and eat a hamburger while flopped down on the ground like a mermaid.  While doing so, he will take credit for the Berlin Wall coming down and mention that his burger is a mess after he fails numerous times to put it in his mouth.  All the while, his Dancing with the Stars partner will be recording the entire routine on her phone and comment that he promised not to drink that night. Just when you think the routine couldn’t get any better, “The Hof” will stumble to the judges station and “X” himself out of the competition.

It’s kind of a satirical dance but mostly it’s just “The Hof” being “The Hof”. A.K.A. awesome.

Prediction:  “The Hof” will not only win Dancing with the Stars, he will be the only star that survives his awesomeness.

Should be a good one!

Pregnant Padme Must Be

Posted in Movies with tags , , on July 5, 2010 by Jordan

The best thing about American holidays is that Spike TV always plays a marathon of something that I like, a.k.a. Band of Brothers or Star Wars. I took in a few too many rays on Saturday so I was content to hide myself from the sun on Sunday. Luckily, it was Star Wars turn in the rotation on Spike for the 4th of July marathon. I tuned into the bi-trilogy with about 30 minutes left in The Phantom Menace. From that point on I watched bits and pieces of four different Star Wars movies up to A New Hope. I’ve seen every Star Wars movie several times but it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized the inconsistencies of the Jedi and the Star Wars movies in general.

Jedi have the capability of thought manipulation, they can stop a laser with a light saber, they can be standing 50 meters away from their light saber and make it fly through the air into their hand, they are better at acrobatics than most performers in Cirque de Soleil, they can sense things that are going on in another galaxy and the movements of people around them but for some reason not one Jedi could sense that Anakin was banging Padme and that she was pregnant. Apparently Jedi have zero paternal instincts. When Padme lost the will to live, the robot/horse doctor that was looking after her told the Jedi “brass” that they would have to operate now if they were going to save the babies. The Jedi were standing there dumbfounded saying things like, “Babies?” “Whose babies?” “What’s a baby?” Even Yoda was clueless; he could sense the evil in Anakin but not the babies inside Padme. Also, how does a seemingly healthy person in their late 20s just lose the will to live and die 5 minutes later?

I’m starting to think Star Wars isn’t very realistic.

A Series of Self-Posed Questions and Answers Regarding Twilight

Posted in Movies with tags , , , , , , on June 20, 2010 by Jordan

Twilight Eclipse is set to hit the big screen in a couple of weeks, which has created quite a buzz amongst tweens, teens, and adults who don’t wash.  I’m often asked my opinion on the Twilight Saga.  Here are some of my thoughts.

Did I read the Twilight books?  No I didn’t.  I don’t do fiction.

Did I like the previous movies?  I can’t really comment on that because I’m not a fifteen year old girl that finds Robert Pattinson’s “Robert Smith” hair style sexy.

Am I excited for the new chapter in the Twilight saga?  No, I’m not. I’m an adult who washes on a daily basis.

Was I excited when the LC told me she saw Robert Pattinson at the Starbucks in our apartment building last year?  No I wasn’t, I didn’t know who Robert Pattinson was.

Was I slightly more excited when the LC told me he was the star of the Twilight movies? No I wasn’t, I had never heard of the Twilight movies.

Do I find Kristen Stewart attractive? Slightly.

Does she look like she has a strange smell about her?  Yeah, she does. She looks like she smells like feet.

Do I even know what Twilight Eclipse is about?  No I don’t because as I previously mentioned I’m an adult and I wash myself on a daily basis.

Will Twilight Eclipse be a big winner on opening day?  No, but by no means will it be the biggest loser at the theater on opening day.

That’s it… that’s all I know about Twilight.

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