Archive for the People Category

The Whole Ball of Wax: Behind The Blogging

Posted in People with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2011 by Jordan

After 9 months of blogging, The Whole Ball of Wax’s has reached a significant milestone with the publication of its 100th post.  The Editor and Chief of The Whole Ball of Wax (Jordan) could use this opportunity to write something profound, but if The Simpson’s has taught Jordan anything it’s that when you reach a milestone you take that opportunity to reflect on your production to date.  Jordan also learned that the milestone episodes of The Simpson’s are traditionally the worst ones. Consequently, he apologizes in advance if this milestone post is a snoozer.

 

The Whole Ball of Wax was a lingering brainchild in the back of Jordan’s mind for a long time but never amounted to anything tangible until his pure hatred for the show Friends served as a starting point for the type of blogs he wanted to produce.  As a result, on April 2, 2010 the first article for The Whole Ball of Wax was published called Friends? Still?

 

Over the next month Jordan dabbled in as many topics as he possibly could in an effort to fulfill The Whole Ball of Wax’s mandate to be an all-encompassing source of information.  Jordan provided commentary on the Tiger Woods scandal; he showed his serious and historical side by addressing the anniversary of The Battle of Vimy Ridge, and produced the first of many “Grind My Gears” topics about how the saying, “it is what it is” really bothers him.  Despite the popularity of all these posts, it was his post called, “Battle of the Butts” that gave The Whole Ball of Wax and Jordan real notoriety.  This post about a dancing fart exploited the public’s perception on the topic and redefined the direction of The Whole Ball of Wax.

 

It became apparent to Jordan that he could try as hard as he wanted to educate his readers about historical and political events but what his readers really wanted to read were posts about farts, poops, and other low brow topics.  Consequently, The Whole Ball of Wax began publishing numerous posts about B.O., puke, and Jordan’s pooping habits.  These posts were received with unanimous approval; however, Jordan knew that he needed to get more out of his posts to satisfy his personal need to write about meaningful topics.

 

By the time Jordan realized The Whole Ball of Wax was no longer heading in the direction he wanted it was mid-November.  By this point Jordan was over-worked, exhausted, and in no position to change the direction of The Whole Ball of Wax.  To make matters worse, Jordan started abusing Fun Dip and Swedish Berries… His life was spiraling out of control.

 

By mid-December it had been a month since The Whole Ball of Wax had published an article. Luckily for Jordan and The Whole Ball of Wax, the LC got Jordan out of his hostile environment and took him to Ontario to spend Christmas with his family.  During the holidays, Jordan remembered why he started The Whole Ball of Wax in the first place and published a State of the Union article vowing to get things back on track and committed to publishing more articles.  It was on this day that Jordan shook the Fun Dip for good and switched from Swedish Berries to sugar free Big Feet.

 

Jordan is back in Halifax healthier than ever and Fun Deep free.  The Whole Ball of Wax has slowly regained the prowess it maintained in the early fall of 2010 and is showing signs of taking its posts to the next level.

 

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For the Boys

Posted in People, Sports with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2011 by Jordan

Twitter has expanded my mind in remarkable ways since signing up a couple of months ago.  I have been exposed to hilarious tweeters and bloggers who touch on numerous subjects. However, the golden nugget of twitter that has caught my attention like no other is a website called girlsinyogapants.com.  To me, this website is hilarious, filled with unsuspecting girls caught in both flattering and unflattering positions and girls that try way too hard.  There is nothing quite as pathetic as a girl posting a picture of themself standing in front of a mirror with their butt stuck out as far as they can stick it…. Oh wait yeah there is, posting a picture of themself doing the exact same thing on hotornot.com.

Major Dick Winters

Posted in History, People with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 11, 2011 by Jordan

Last night a tweet from Tom Hanks informed me that one of my heroes died last week.  Major Dick Winters died on January 2nd at the age of 92 after succumbing to a long battle with Parkinson’s disease.

 

An ordinary man in his own eyes, Maj. Winters rose to fame in 1992 with the publication of Stephen Ambrose’s book Band of Brothers.  This bestseller documents the story of Maj. Winters and E Company of the 506th Regiment in the 101st Airborne Division of the U.S. Army from D Day to VE Day.  Maj. Winters obtained his place in mainstream infamy in 2001 when Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks produced the story of Maj. Winters and E Company in a 10 part mini series based on Ambrose’s bestseller also called Band of Brothers.

 

A couple of years ago I picked up Maj. Winters memoirs called Beyond Band of Brothers.  In those memoirs Maj. Winters talked about his desire during the war to make it home safely and live his life in peace.  After the war, Maj. Winters lived a quiet and private life mostly outside of Hersey, Pennsylvania where he worked for himself as a farm supply salesman.  As a decorated war veteran, he is noted for his leadership and ability to lead by example in tough situations. However, he was never comfortable with the term “hero” when describing himself and that is why prior to his passing he requested that his death be kept private until after his funeral, which took place this past week.

 

It’s difficult to say how the story of a man I have never met and that is 66 years older than myself has resonated so deeply within me.  However, I think the appeal of Maj. Winters’ story is that it is one of an ordinary man who did extraordinary things because unforeseen circumstances required it of him.  All the while, he remained humble and indebted to his fellow soldiers.

 

I’m sure there are thousands of stories from WWII that are similar to Maj. Winters but most of those veterans are no longer with us to share their stories.  The average living WWII veteran is in their late 80s and some 1000 WWII veterans die worldwide everyday.  Time is running out to celebrate the lives of these living heroes but thanks to the documentation in Band of Brothers, Major Dick Winter will live in infamy.

 

 

Ballsy Journey

Posted in Education, People with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2010 by Jordan

It’s not often that Antoine Dodson and Edward Cullen are in the same room together but this happened just a couple of weeks ago at a Halloween party.  Dressed as Antoine Dodson I circulated the room warning all in attendance to hide their kids, wives and husbands because rumor had it there was a rapist in the area who was adamant he rape everybody.  I stumbled upon Edward Cullen and provided him with the same counsel that I had provided everyone else.  Edward seemed appreciative so we engaged in a lengthy conversation on various topics including Movember.  As we talked, it was revealed that Edward Cullen was not Twilight’s Edward Cullen at all but rather Thomas Cantley, a filmmaker from New York and cancer survivor.

 

Thomas was diagnosed with testicular cancer last year at the age of 26 and was very open with me about his experience.  He explained that he was reluctant to go see a physician despite the persistent pains he had been having in his lower abdomen. He told me that it wasn’t until his testicle swelled to the size of a grapefruit and the pain overwhelmed him that he actually went to see a doctor.  By this time the cancer had spread to his stomach and it appeared his chances of overcoming the disease were slim.  After showing me the massive scare from his surgery that runs up the center of his stomach, Thomas told me he had created a charity specifically for testicular cancer called Ballsy.

 

Now cancer free, Thomas is in the process of creating the Ballsy Journey that will see a group of people push a 7 ft. ball from Halifax to Toronto as a means of creating awareness and a proactive attitude towards testicular cancer.  In addition, he is making a documentary called Ballsy that will tell the story of his own experience and the experiences of other testicular cancer patients.

 

Thomas is an incredibly positive and ambitious young adult that has seen the light and made a serious commitment to make a difference in this world.  I encourage all to visit the Ballsy website and join the Ballsy Journey Facebook Group.

 

Furthermore, if you happen to see a 7 ft. ball being pushed down the street in the near future or you find that your own balls hurt more then normal… Look into it!  If you don’t have balls, just check out the 7 ft. ball.

 

She’s Back and Better Than Ever

Posted in People with tags , , , , , , on November 17, 2010 by Jordan

Most people watch this video and see a fat disgusting girl with two teeth and a goatee grabbing at her excess.  When I watch this video I see a girl with a lot of spirit, a great sense of humor and a sensational personality.  Why is it that I see the good in Chris Athey and YOU see the bad?  Easy answer, I’m a good person and you are not.  A better question is what does Don Draper see when he watches this video?  Easy answer again, Double D sees whatever he wants to see and he sees it while smoking, drinking and cheating on his wife.

Forced Me to Eat It

Posted in People, Politics with tags , on November 16, 2010 by Jordan

A lot of videos have been posted on The Whole Ball of Wax, all of which I think are hilarious.  However, I’m starting to notice a regional trend with a lot of the videos posted on this high quality blog.  The Southern United States has some of the most interesting and ridiculous people that this world has to offer.  This news story is similar to the Antoin Dodson story posted in August in the sense that it is a serious situation that is made hilarious by the caricatures involved.  This entire video is funny to me but if you want the Coles Notes version just watch from 1:26 to 1:32.  If you don’t think these 6 seconds are hilarious please do not ever read this blog again because you do not have the sense of humor we are looking for around these parts.

Enjoy!

I Will Wear… You… Out.

Posted in People, Sports with tags , , , , , , on October 8, 2010 by Jordan

It’s recently come to surface that professional skank and former Tiger Woods mistress Joslyn James is taking orders for a sex tape of her and the big cat.  I believe the tape is to be releases in mid-November and will likely make that wretched parasite James a pretty penny.  This could actually be good for Tiger though.  If Paris Hilton can become richer and more famous after releasing multiple sex tapes surely Tiger can win a golf tournament and make watching golf enjoyable once again. 

Although the scrutinizing public has to wait until mid-November to view the graphic video, we at The Whole Ball of Wax called in a few favours from Joslyn James (none of which we are overly proud of) and obtained the video more then a full month before everyone else. 

Enjoy!

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