Archive for the Politics Category

God Save the Queen

Posted in History, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 2, 2010 by Jordan

With the Queen in the middle of her 22nd official visit to Canada I have found myself caught up in the Royal hoopla.  She made her first visit to Nova Scotia in 16 years and I even caught a glimpse of her majesty through binoculars as she sailed pasted my office building amidst the international fleet review. I could tell it was her because she was the only person on the ship wearing white and her hat had a big white flower on it.  Also, I could easily tell which person was Stephen Harper because his onion loaf coif danced rather majestically as it was tossed about by the sea breeze.

I’m not sure why but I have always been an advocate for the royals and for the Queen’s role as the Head of State for Canada.  I look at the Queen and I see the epitome of elegance and grace.  She’s a complete geezer yet she sucked it up when the rain came in sideways upon her arrival to Halifax, she didn’t hesitate to walk through a soggy field to look at teepees, nor did she waver when taught how to play a native game that looked ridiculous.  She rarely smiles but always says the right things that make Canadians feel good about themselves and to top it all off she looked radiant in her red dress and white hat on Canada Day.

Despite all this there is a less flattering side to the Queen the goes unnoticed.  There is no way the Queen has lived her 84 years without having explosive diarrhea and had an occasion where she barely made it to the “crappie” without pooping herself.  I’m sure she’s even had the odd poop that has left her out of breath and whipping beads of sweat off her forehead, opening windows and spraying Glade Summer Breeze in the air.  There is also no way she hasn’t had a fart that goes drastically up in pitch as it concludes.  She’s probably been so sick she puked her guts out and popped blood vessels in her face. She has probably flossed her teeth and been in need of a blood transfusion afterwards because her gums bled so badly.  She probably shaves her armpits and has had her upper lip waxed (maybe not the upper lip… she’s not French after all).  She’s probably had B.O. at least once.  I guarantee she’s had food stuck in her teeth and no one told her.  She has pretty fancy clothes but I’ll bet she has picked lint out of her belly button and sweaty fuzz from between her toes.  Maybe the Queen has an outty and doesn’t get belly button lint… I don’t know I’m not a doctor.

The list of unflattering things the Queen has done in her life is probably as big as her annual spending habits.  The point is, no matter how elegant and graceful a person is and no matter how high that person is placed on a pedestal by society, everyone has to take a shit at some point in their life and it probably doesn’t smell like freshly baked cinnamon buns.

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Happy Canada Day!

Posted in History, Politics on July 2, 2010 by Jordan

I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone a happy belated Canada Day.  My Canada Day was fairly uneventful but I did manage to take in the very average fireworks that the city of Halifax fired off on the water front.  The fireworks were so riveting they caused my heart rate to accelerate by one beat per minute throughout their duration. Despite this run of the mill fireworks display, Canada is 143 years old and a hell of a country that we should all be grateful to live in.  The exception of course is when police officers beat the crap out of you for no apparent reason when you happen to be in Toronto when it is hosting the G20 Summit.  Other then that, it’s a hell of a country!

Political Brainchilds

Posted in Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2010 by Jordan

One of my favourite things about politics is when politicians really roll up their sleeves and tackle the pressing issues concerning the nation today.  These issues more often then not require serious collaboration between politicians and political parties.  Lets delve into some of the current issues occupying the time of the leaders of this country.

May 4th was the 100th anniversary of the Canadian Navy and on this day I read an interesting article regarding a number of Canadian politicians that were trying to have the name of the Canadian Navy changed to the “Canadian Navy”.  That’s right, Canadian politicians are debating if the Canadian Navy should be called the Canadian Navy.  This debate actual isn’t as stupid as I’m making it sound.  The Canadian Navy has actually been called the Maritime Command since 1968 believe it or not.  What’s dumber then this debate is that someone thought it was a good idea to call the Navy the Maritime Command.  Everyday I drive past HMC Dockyard in Halifax and on the side of one of the main buildings it says in big red letters “Canada’s East Coast Navy”.  Even if you try to go to the Navy’s website it says “Canadian Navy” not “Maritime Command” on the top of the web page.  Consequently, my response to this debate is two fold.  First, why would someone waste brain energy thinking up an alternate name to Navy?  Second, if everyone (including the Navy) already calls the Maritime Command the Navy anyway, why is there a debate?  Just change the damn name before too many countries find out about our stupid Canadian logic.

This past week I heard on the radio that a few individuals from the Canadian Senate are trying to adopt a national bird.  I found this rather amuzing because if you think about it the American’s have already adopted the king of all birds (the eagle incase you’re an idiot) so any bird Canada adopts is just going to look inferior to the eagle.  Knowing Canadian’s, the bird chosen will likely be the robin so that will only contribute to Canada’s inferiority complex.  I think the only solutions to this debate are for the Senate to tone it down and remember that the Canadian Red Chamber is a joke and a waste of money in it’s present state or for Canada to adopt the pterodactyl as the national bird.  Best Coat of Arms ever!

The last very important point of discussion I have heard politicians talking about recently is Bill Shatner for the next Governor General.  I think this is a great idea!  Canada will become a force to be reckoned with.  Think about it, the feared Canadian Maritime Command, pterodacty coat of arms and Captain Kirk running the show.  I just shit my pants thinking about it.

Lest We Forget

Posted in History, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2010 by Jordan

April 9, 1917 is a date that will remain entrenched in Canadian history forever.  It is the date that many Canadians consider the birth of Canada as a nation.  It is the date that four Canadian Divisions went over the top and led the allied offensive at Vimy Ridge in the First World War.  It was a successful offensive that many military and war historians consider the turning point of the Great War.

I studied history in school, wrote an essay on Canada’s success at Vimy and taught a lesson to a grade eleven class on how the events at Vimy Ridge contributed to Canada’s distinction as a nation and independence from Britain.  However, it wasn’t until a colleague of mine came into my office yesterday and wished me a Happy Canada Day that I first remember the anniversary of Vimy Ridge and second, took time to remember the great sacrifices men younger than myself made some 93 years ago to help preserve the freedoms so many of us take for granted today.  It made me think and question why such influential Canadian moments are not celebrated and remembered throughout Canada more prominently.

While reading an article in the Globe and Mail last night I was pleased to find out that there was actually a rather extensive ceremony at the National War Memorial in Ottawa yesterday commemorating the Battle of Vimy Ridge. However, that same article mentioned that absence of John “Jack” Babcock, the last living veteran of the conflict, who died on February 18 at the age of 109.  With so many of our great veterans passing away, I feel their great efforts have become more and more distant from our present thoughts.  Consequently, it is becoming more and more important that we do not forget the freedoms we have bestowed upon us and we do not forget the men and women who gave up so much in both World Wars to ensure we had the opportunity to live the lives we do today.  Remember battles like Vimy, Passchendaele, the Somme, Dieppe and Normandy because it the existence of these battles that we remember on Remembrance Day.

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