Archive for B.O.

The Whole Ball of Wax: Behind The Blogging

Posted in People with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2011 by Jordan

After 9 months of blogging, The Whole Ball of Wax’s has reached a significant milestone with the publication of its 100th post.  The Editor and Chief of The Whole Ball of Wax (Jordan) could use this opportunity to write something profound, but if The Simpson’s has taught Jordan anything it’s that when you reach a milestone you take that opportunity to reflect on your production to date.  Jordan also learned that the milestone episodes of The Simpson’s are traditionally the worst ones. Consequently, he apologizes in advance if this milestone post is a snoozer.

 

The Whole Ball of Wax was a lingering brainchild in the back of Jordan’s mind for a long time but never amounted to anything tangible until his pure hatred for the show Friends served as a starting point for the type of blogs he wanted to produce.  As a result, on April 2, 2010 the first article for The Whole Ball of Wax was published called Friends? Still?

 

Over the next month Jordan dabbled in as many topics as he possibly could in an effort to fulfill The Whole Ball of Wax’s mandate to be an all-encompassing source of information.  Jordan provided commentary on the Tiger Woods scandal; he showed his serious and historical side by addressing the anniversary of The Battle of Vimy Ridge, and produced the first of many “Grind My Gears” topics about how the saying, “it is what it is” really bothers him.  Despite the popularity of all these posts, it was his post called, “Battle of the Butts” that gave The Whole Ball of Wax and Jordan real notoriety.  This post about a dancing fart exploited the public’s perception on the topic and redefined the direction of The Whole Ball of Wax.

 

It became apparent to Jordan that he could try as hard as he wanted to educate his readers about historical and political events but what his readers really wanted to read were posts about farts, poops, and other low brow topics.  Consequently, The Whole Ball of Wax began publishing numerous posts about B.O., puke, and Jordan’s pooping habits.  These posts were received with unanimous approval; however, Jordan knew that he needed to get more out of his posts to satisfy his personal need to write about meaningful topics.

 

By the time Jordan realized The Whole Ball of Wax was no longer heading in the direction he wanted it was mid-November.  By this point Jordan was over-worked, exhausted, and in no position to change the direction of The Whole Ball of Wax.  To make matters worse, Jordan started abusing Fun Dip and Swedish Berries… His life was spiraling out of control.

 

By mid-December it had been a month since The Whole Ball of Wax had published an article. Luckily for Jordan and The Whole Ball of Wax, the LC got Jordan out of his hostile environment and took him to Ontario to spend Christmas with his family.  During the holidays, Jordan remembered why he started The Whole Ball of Wax in the first place and published a State of the Union article vowing to get things back on track and committed to publishing more articles.  It was on this day that Jordan shook the Fun Dip for good and switched from Swedish Berries to sugar free Big Feet.

 

Jordan is back in Halifax healthier than ever and Fun Deep free.  The Whole Ball of Wax has slowly regained the prowess it maintained in the early fall of 2010 and is showing signs of taking its posts to the next level.

 

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What Happens When Bo Jackson Eats a Big Phil Combo at Taco Bell?

Posted in Grind My Gears with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2010 by Jordan

The answer to the question in the  title is of course Adult Body Odor.

Every year when the weather gets a little nicer and the temperature gets a little warmer the scent of spicy B.O. can be found filtering throughout the air and every year I continue to be shocked that this occurs.  I understand that it is cold in the winter and the odds of casual sweating are slim but when it gets warm there is no excuse for adults smelling the after math of a Taco Bell binge.  You see, there is this section in every grocery store dedicated to personal hygiene.  In this section there are these little stick things called deodorant.  They range in price from about $1.99 to $6 and it’s almost a certainty that one brand will be on sale at any given time.  Consequently, the cost of one of these little sticks is less or equal to the cost of a single beer.  The beauty about one of these sticks is that it last for about 2 or 3 months where a beer only last for about 10 minutes.  Moreover, it costs mere pennies to deodorize one’s self on a daily basis.

The point to this is, it really grinds my gears when fully grown and seemingly responsible adults walk around like there B.O. doesn’t stink…. Because it does.  Don’t get me wrong; I am fully aware that sometime deodorant wears off towards the end of the day.  I am also aware that if one uses the same deodorant for an extended period of time ones body seems to adopt immunity to such deodorant rendering it completely ineffective and useless.  All I ask is that you be prepared.  If you notoriously have bad B.O. do something about it because your scent is affecting my life.

I don’t typically have a B.O. problem (I guess I’m one of the lucky ones) I do have farts the reek.  I don’t however; walk around like my shits don’t stink.  I wish there was a pill that existed that made my farts smell likely freshly baked cinnamon buns but there isn’t.  There is however deodorant that makes one’s armpits smell like a mountain glacier.  So stop grinding my gears and use it!

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