Archive for Don Cherry

This Tarp is Just Right

Posted in Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Jordan

The election of Rob Ford as Toronto’s new mayor is old news.  Similarly, the nonsensical speech by Don Cherry at Ford’s inauguration is also old news.  What’s not old news is where Rob Ford buys his suits.

 

I have it on good authority that Ford’s suit purchasing strategy is a two prong attack.  First, he travels to Toronto’s Fashion District and enters the Mountain Equipment Co-op.  Upon entering the store he heads straight to the tent section and seeks out the tarps used as ground sheets and the like.  He selects the colour of his choice (usually something dark for a slimming effect) and pays about $13 for it.

 

The second prong in Ford’s strategy involves the employment of a tailor that specializes in maternity fittings.  When Ford meets with his special tailor, a forklift raises him about a foot and a half off the ground.  Once in position, the special tailor goes to work.  The tarp is draped over Ford’s back and shoulders and is fastened in place with a novelty safety pin.  When it is clear that the tarp will not fall off of Ford’s frame, the tarp is reinforced with chain mail.  After the tarp obtains the strength of chain mail, old hubcaps are sown down the breast of the tarp as a means of closing the front of the tarp/suit.  Once all three-hubcaps are in place the novelty safety pin is removed.  At this point, Ford jumps into a pair of darkly dyed clown pants and climbs aboard the Gravy Train enroute to making promises he can’t keep.

 

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The Man, The Myth, The Gemini Award Winner

Posted in Television with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2010 by Jordan

It’s rare that you can drink alone and not feel like an alcoholic but as of right now I am experiencing one of those rare moments.  Less then an hour ago faithful Whole Ball of Wax reader and all round great guy Jared Keeso won the Gemini Award for his outstanding performance as Don Cherry in Keep Your Head Up Kids: The Don Cherry Story.  In addition, Benjamin Arthur (who is also an all round great guy) won the Gemini for his role in the T.V. show Less Than Kind.  Due to this great news, I am going to proceed to drink until I fall asleep on the couch and spill my beer on my crotch.

By no means do I have an acute knowledge of the Canadian film industry, but I have spent enough time with these two individuals to recognize and appreciate the amount of effort and commitment that goes into being an actor in Canada.  Not always the most glamorous of lifestyles, both Jared and Ben have made substantial sacrifices as they continuously strive to perfect their art.  The nature of the Canadian film industry probably means that the last minute notice for auditions won’t stop for either of these guys but tonight they can take solace in the fact that they are among the best at what they do in the entire country.  There are very few Canadians that can say they are the best in Canada at what they do and because of this rarity The Whole Ball of Wax wishes to congratulate both Jared and Ben for their truly outstanding accomplishments tonight.

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