Archive for MLB

What Happens When Bo Jackson Eats a Big Phil Combo at Taco Bell?

Posted in Grind My Gears with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2010 by Jordan

The answer to the question in the  title is of course Adult Body Odor.

Every year when the weather gets a little nicer and the temperature gets a little warmer the scent of spicy B.O. can be found filtering throughout the air and every year I continue to be shocked that this occurs.  I understand that it is cold in the winter and the odds of casual sweating are slim but when it gets warm there is no excuse for adults smelling the after math of a Taco Bell binge.  You see, there is this section in every grocery store dedicated to personal hygiene.  In this section there are these little stick things called deodorant.  They range in price from about $1.99 to $6 and it’s almost a certainty that one brand will be on sale at any given time.  Consequently, the cost of one of these little sticks is less or equal to the cost of a single beer.  The beauty about one of these sticks is that it last for about 2 or 3 months where a beer only last for about 10 minutes.  Moreover, it costs mere pennies to deodorize one’s self on a daily basis.

The point to this is, it really grinds my gears when fully grown and seemingly responsible adults walk around like there B.O. doesn’t stink…. Because it does.  Don’t get me wrong; I am fully aware that sometime deodorant wears off towards the end of the day.  I am also aware that if one uses the same deodorant for an extended period of time ones body seems to adopt immunity to such deodorant rendering it completely ineffective and useless.  All I ask is that you be prepared.  If you notoriously have bad B.O. do something about it because your scent is affecting my life.

I don’t typically have a B.O. problem (I guess I’m one of the lucky ones) I do have farts the reek.  I don’t however; walk around like my shits don’t stink.  I wish there was a pill that existed that made my farts smell likely freshly baked cinnamon buns but there isn’t.  There is however deodorant that makes one’s armpits smell like a mountain glacier.  So stop grinding my gears and use it!

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The ‘Buck’ Stops Here

Posted in Sports, Television with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2010 by Jordan

I may be boring but I have sick flow!

I am presently taking in my first Blue Jays game of the year on Sportsnet. For those who don’t know, Buck Martinez has replaced Jamie Campbell as the game caller of Blue Jays baseball this year.  For those who do not watch baseball or have not watched a Blue Jays game on T.V. yet this year, Buck is really bad at his new gig!

For those who don’t know, Buck Martinez was a catcher for the Blue Jays back in the 80s, then he was the colour guy for the Blue Jays on TSN about 10 years ago, then he was the Blue Jays manager, then got fired, then got hired by some other team, then got fired again.   Now, as previously mentioned he calls the games for the Blue Jays on Sportsnet.

These are the reasons why Buck Martinez is bush at calling Blue Jays baseball.  First and foremost, he sounds like an idiot with a limited vocabulary constantly bumbling over his words like he just had a stroke.  Second, Buck is from North Carolina and you can clearly hear it in his voice!  Combined with Pat Tabler who is from Ohio but sounds like he is from Texas, it sounds like a couple of yokels broadcasting to their Canadian audience.  That said however, I’m sure most people from my home town can’t hear the accents and just assume that both of them are from Atwood!  Third, I find it amusing that Buck asks Pat to explain what certain terms mean, like sitting on a pitch.  Here I am thinking to myself, “Weren’t you a major league manager last year Buck?  Also, weren’t you a big league player for several seasons?  Shouldn’t you know what sitting on a pitch means?”  Then I think to myself, “Could this be why you are not a manager anymore, because you don’t know what sitting on a pitch means and therefore never told your players to do so?”  Figure it out Buck!  Lastly, Buck is not a broadcaster and does not have a broadcaster’s voice.  He has a colour guy’s voice and the mentality of a colour guy.  It is incredibly boring listening to Buck and Pat drone on about nothing.  If I wanted to listen to two colour guys call a sports game, I would clone John Madden and put both of them on the mic together.  Then we could listen to two funny guys bumble and drone on about nothing!

I need to point one last thing out because it just happened and it was hilarious in an analytical kind of way.  Pat is the colour guy and should therefore be the expert and provide analytical insight into the game.  I mentioned earlier, that Buck was asking Pat dumb question that he clearly knows the answers to.  However, in the sixth inning, Pat started asking Buck basic dumb question about what a player was thinking at the plate.  It’s like they were playing good cop bad cop and flip flopping roles throughout the process, except in this case it would be smart broadcaster dumb broadcaster.  Looks like it’s going to be a long year for Jay’s fans in more than one way!

P.S. Great crowd tonight!  Way to go Toronto!

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