Archive for NBC

Man vs Food vs Reduced Life Expectancy

Posted in Education, Television with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 25, 2011 by Jordan

The technology of television is unbelievably fascinating to me.  When I was a kid watching wrestling in the 80s, TV’s were pieces of furniture that sat on the floor of the living room and weighed about 300 lbs.  Now, TV’s are pieces of art mounted on walls that are no thicker than a Gordon Korman book and weigh about 30 lbs.

 

The evolution of TV’s over the last 20 years is both impressive and remarkable. What’s not impressive and remarkable is how dormant and contradictory TV programming is on a nightly basis.  For example, The Biggest Loser on NBC documents the physical and mental process of morbidly obese individuals as they learn to drastically alter their lifestyles while competing against each other to lose the most weight.  This is both a positive and educational show that most North American’s can actually benefit from.   On the other hand, you can flip to OLN on any given night and find a show called Man vs. Food.  For those that have not seen this show, Man vs. Food basically takes everything positive The Biggest Loser has achieved over the last 10 years and marginalizes it with every 30-minute episode.   Man vs. Food follows a guy named Adam Richman around America as he exhibits unique American comfort food and attempts to complete a nearly impossible food eating challenge.

 

Man vs. Food is everything that is wrong with North America.  It promotes excess, greed and poor manners.  If this guy came over to my place for dinner and talked with his mouths full as he moaned with ecstasy, I would have no choice but to thank him for his awkward compliments and kick him the fuck out of my home.  Adam Richman is 30 lbs away from being the likable chubby guy that showcases food around America to competing on the next season of The Biggest Loser.

 

So basically what I’m trying to say here is The Biggest Loser is like a 50 inch plasma mounted on your wall; while, Man vs. Food is like the TV in my grandma’s basement.  It’s outdated, clunky and uses a rotary dial to change the channel.

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Hardcore Parkour!

Posted in Education with tags , , , , , , , , on May 1, 2010 by Jordan

Last summer I took two of my nieces to play at my old elementary school’s playground.  Upon arrival, I was surprised at the new playground equipment that the school had.  Gone are the days of jungle gyms, aluminum slides accessed by a vertical ladder, teeter-totters, and hard ground to brace a fall.  Now kids have padded foam ground under the equipment, slides accessed by an incline plane with railings on either side and a 3D Xs and Os game build right into the equipment.

I say balderdash to all this new fancy and safe equipment.  What are kids going to learn if they don’t break their wrists on the jungle gym, burn their legs on the sun-baked aluminum slide or bruise their balls because the guy on the bottom of the teeter-totter jumped off while you were 7 feet above the ground?

The answer to this is more parkour!  Schools should be setting up outrageous objects throughout the school grounds and encouraging kids to use their creativity to master those obstacles.  The farmers from my neck of the woods would say there is no better way to learn a kid then to have the kid get hurt.  A kid sprains an ankle parkouring from one roof top to another.  Farmer says, “That’ll learn ya.”  A kid gives himself a concussion because he does a back flip of a wall while parkouring and lands on their head.  Farmer says, “That’ll learn ya.”

The kids have to learn.  Can we please teach them?

More Parkour is the answer.

“Hard Core Parkour!”

Friends? Still?

Posted in Television with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 2, 2010 by Jordan

Every time a re-run of the show Friends comes on I always say to myself, “does anyone actually watch this shitty show anymore?”  Honestly, does anyone?  I’ll be honest for a second, when Friends was running new episodes I often set time aside on Thursday night to take in the half hour comedy and more often then not I enjoyed that half hour of my Thursday night.  But now, every time a re-run of Friends comes on I cringe at the sight and sound of my T.V.

Seinfeld is of the same vintage as Friends and I rarely pass up the opportunity to watch an old Seinfeld episode.  I’ve seen every episode of Seinfeld at least ten times and I enjoy every one of them every time.  Friends on the other hand became irrelevant and stale almost as soon as it concluded for me.

The characters in Friends are so bush I get uncomfortable watching re-runs because I’m so embarrassed for the actors playing them. Chandler is a self-conscious airhead that just can’t love anyone, Ross is an awkward nerd and an airhead, Rachel is a hot airhead, Phoebe is a hippy airhead that is annoying in basically every way possible, Monica is an obsessive-compulsive airhead that wants babies but can’t because her lady junk wont let her, and Joey is dumb as shit but likeable for whatever reason… we get it and it’s old!  It’s remarkable that 236 Friends episodes aired and not one writer along the way thought, “maybe we should make an episode where all six characters aren’t simultaneously looking retarded.” I guess the writers on Friends weren’t as insightful as myself.

What the writers of Friends did do however was make the best series finale of all time.  When I say best, obviously I mean worst.  Unless of course the predictability of Ross and Rachel getting back together, Chandler and Monica getting their long awaited children and Joey and Phoebe continuing to be pylons is your idea of awesome, then it was definitely one of the best series finales of all time.  The closing shot that zoomed in on the keys on the counter in the apartment definitely left me begging for more Friends and I got the next best thing in the Joey spinoff!  When is that going to be on Peachtree by the way?

If I wrote the series finale of Friends it would have went something like this.  Joey announces that he is going to move to L.A. to further his acting career and Chandler says, “You know what buddy, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.  You are by far the worst actor I have ever seen and I think it might be time to get a real job!”  The two never speak again.  Chandler then files for divorce from Monica citing she is a huge neurotic bitch and stingy in the sack.  Ross then hunts Rachel down at the airport and asks her to stay in New York because he loves her and all that bullshit.  Rachel laughs in his face lets him know he’s a dinosaur loving nerd that is not even close to being in her snack bracket and that she is taking her fine ass to Paris to tag her some French bucks!  Ross is left in the airport crying his eyes out.  Phoebe then gets dumped by whatever Paul Rudd’s character’s name is because he finally realizes that Phoebe is a chronic struggler.  Phoebe then drops a bunch of acid because she is just such a crazy hippy and the final shot of the series is of her sitting on the sidewalk all disheveled in front of Central Perk singing a shitty song about how her circle of friends aren’t friends anymore.  Then a guy walks by, grabs her guitar and smashes it on the wall (like in the juicy fruit commercial) and lets her know she sucks!  End credits.

Now I bet that would have left people saying, “I definitely didn’t see that coming.”

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