Archive for So You Think You Can Dance Canada

Hammerhead Shark Women

Posted in Education with tags , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2010 by Jordan

This post is dedicated to women that are the offspring of hammerhead sharks.  Most people don’t realize that sharks can re-produce humans… but they can.  After a shark eats a human they digest the person and later rebirth it as a totally different person.  In every case study of hammerhead shark women, the women are 99% genetically the same as a woman created by two humans.  The one percent difference lies in the eyes.  Hammerhead shark women retain the eye genetics of the shark 100% of the time.  It’s unfortunate, but it’s science.

Here are some examples of hammerhead shark women.  99% human, 1% hammerhead shark.

Leah Miller does a wonderful job hosting So You Think You Can Dance Canada; however, she is often spotted circling the contestants backstage as she awaits her midnight snack to be kicked off the show.





Lucy Liu is without question the hottest hammerhead shark woman that exists but is like tits on a bull when it comes to playing catch in the backyard.






Katherine Heigl made a name for herself on Gray’s Anatomy but it was nearly impossible to make the neck in any of her 27 dresses big enough.






Tyra Banks was the “it” runway model in the 1990s but what the crowds lining the catwalks didn’t know was that the head piece she always wore was not an accessory but rather her eyes protruding out the side of her head.





Torri Spelling is the Eve of hammerhead shark women.  She frequents clown academies on a regular basis just to find sunglasses with the width necessary to shield her eyes from the powerful California sun.





Hammerhead shark women… they’re scary, they’re dangerous and they’re real.

So You Think You Can Dance Better than the Monotone Voice Can Describe You?

Posted in Television with tags on September 7, 2010 by Jordan

Unless you’re a mindless reality T.V. junkie, chances are when you turn on the tube you don’t find much to view that is of interest.  I recently discovered a way to make the worst shows on T.V. tolerable…. Auditory Captioning.  For those who don’t know what this feature is, the most monotone voice you can think of basically describes the show when no one on the show is speaking. Not all T.V. programs have this option but I’m enjoying this feature so much I actually spent an hour the other night flipping through channels trying to find a show that offered auditory captioning.  The best thing I’ve found so far is So You Think You Can Dance Canada on CTV.   As the people on the show dance the monotone lady describes their dancing.  Here is basically a word for word example (Remember you have to read this with a voice more monotone then Ben Stein’s).

“Charlene slides across the stage… she slips and exposes her underpants.  Sebastian picks her up from the floor and they prance across the stage.  Charlene grabs her breasts, now Sebastian grabs her breasts, now Charlene again.  They fall to the floor gyrating their pelvises against each other in a sexual and explicit manner.  The song ends and Leah Miller and her gigantic forehead walk on to the stage.  Leah Miller mentions for the sixth time in the show that she is married to Dallas Green.  The crowd doesn’t seem to know or care who that is”

Then the eight head starts to talk and the monotone voice stops.  But then Jean Marc blows a kiss to the crowd and the monotone voice says, “Jean Marc blows a kiss to the crowd.”  I think you get the picture. But definitely check this feature out next time you say, “Man, there is nothing on right now.”  I’m told that The Simpson’s is really good too but I have not come across an episode where the channel offers auditory captioning as of yet.  I imagine it is pretty wicked awesome though.

T.V. is seriously brutal these days though, can’t wait for the hockey season to start again.

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