Archive for The Hills

Rule No. 1 – Don’t Mess With “The Hof”

Posted in Movies, Television with tags , , , , , , , on September 16, 2010 by Jordan

Today I inquired with the LC as to when Dancing with the Stars fires up this year.  The most specific answer she could give was “pretty soon” which was good enough for me.  Show’s like Dancing with the Stars don’t typically tickle my fancy because the stars are usually “C” class hacks that don’t deserve to have their names and the word star in the same sentence.  This year’s show isn’t much different than years past with the likes of dopey eyes Audrina from The Hills and “The Situation” from Jersey Shore joining the cast.  However, these two fame whores are over shadowed by a real star… “The Hof”.  That’s right former Baywatch star and now walking sideshow David Hasselhoff is in this year’s Dancing with the Stars.  “The Hof” is definitely a star worth tuning in for.

Apparently “The Hof” has already begun choreographing his first routine.  It is reported that “The Hof” will run onto the stage in slow motion to his own song “Looking for Freedom” after crushing 30 plus beers.  He will then proceed to try and eat a hamburger while flopped down on the ground like a mermaid.  While doing so, he will take credit for the Berlin Wall coming down and mention that his burger is a mess after he fails numerous times to put it in his mouth.  All the while, his Dancing with the Stars partner will be recording the entire routine on her phone and comment that he promised not to drink that night. Just when you think the routine couldn’t get any better, “The Hof” will stumble to the judges station and “X” himself out of the competition.

It’s kind of a satirical dance but mostly it’s just “The Hof” being “The Hof”. A.K.A. awesome.

Prediction:  “The Hof” will not only win Dancing with the Stars, he will be the only star that survives his awesomeness.

Should be a good one!

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Feel the Rain on Your Skin

Posted in Television with tags , , on July 18, 2010 by Jordan

Last week was the end of an era and I am not talking about the Chris Bosh era in Toronto.  I am talking about the end of The Hills.  The plotless reality showed aired its final episode last week, which left the LC on the verge of tears before the bizarre ending left her shacking her head like a cat that just had the shower turned on them.  I for one will miss The After Show’s montages of the cast saying ridiculous things in a loop and watching Stephanie Pratt getting dumber by the episode as her vocabulary shrunk by the sentence.  One more season and all she would have been able to say would be; I, like, know, totally and DUI.  It’s a little disappointing that I wont witness that.  Perhaps she will go mad like her brother and find a way to stay in the spotlight somehow.  Regardless, there are so many unanswered questions about the characters in The Hills.

Will Kristin actually move to Europe? Or does she not know where it is?  Does she know Europe is an entire continent and not a country?  Does she know that you need a visa to live in its various countries and that said visas take a while to obtain?  Maybe it’s the skeptic in me but I don’t see how it is possible to decide you are moving to Europe on Wednesday, have a going away party on Friday and leave on Saturday.

Will Brody finally settle down and become a one-woman man or is he a playboy for life?  What’s the deal with him and Avril?

Will Audrina every get over Justin Bobby?  Will her eyes ever be able to look straight ahead or will they always look at the ceiling?  Is moving 5 minutes out of Hollywood really going to change her life?  How can she afford that house on the beach?

Will Lo ever stop looking like a mouse?

How did Stacey the Bartender become a regular character on this show?  Is she still a bartender or did she quit her bartending job after becoming a regular?  I think she’s like a female Sam Malone and should have been portrayed as such on the show.

How come Spencer and Heidi just stopped being in the show?  Spencer was the only reason I watched it in the first place.  That guy is a totally fame whore that draws attention like a 50 car pile up.  I couldn’t look away for the longest time but his sudden departure from the show allowed me to… thank you MTV!

But that’s it… it’s over.  I will likely never get my answers to these questions and that is probably a good thing.  This was one of most mindless shows on television in the entire history of television and it deserved its termination.  I hope I never hear about any of these idiots and their fake lives again.  I should have my own reality show on MTV.  It could be called “The Fax” and could be about me writing pointless blog articles with my shirt off as I continuously try to keep my cat of my keyboard…  sounds dumb but it’s really no worse then the concept for The Hills.

Make it happen MTV!

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