No. 2 Poo Poo… In Your Face!

There are more than a few interesting comments made at this anti-homosexuality press conference in Uganda, none of which I endorse in any way shape or form by the way.  Most comments are more descriptive and suggestive than is required which suggests to me that this guy talking has first hand experience in such activities.  Despite the exemplary picture painted of the gay community by this man the thing that shocks me the most about watching this video is that they have MacBook Pro computers in Africa.  People in Canada can’t even afford MacBook Pro computers… how can this guy afford one?

Segways That Kill

Less than a year ago British businessman Jim Heselden purchased the Segway company from American inventor Dean Kamen.  In an unconventional and likely accidental marketing ploy, Heselden fell to his death yesterday after riding one of his Segway scooters off a cliff.

I feel as though all business owners should parish at the hands of their products.  The owner of General Motors should die in a car accident; the owner of Weed Eater should die in a freak weed eater accident, the owner of Nike should die of a heart attack while in the middle of a run and the owner of Trojan condoms should die mid-thrust after his penis falls off for some unfortunate reason.

Come to think of it, I think this is already taught as a Law of Business in the prestigious St. Mary’s University Commerce program… Yes it definitely is!  And I quote, “Business Law 12-A.  All business owners must be killed by the product they own… kind of like how Gozer made the Ghostbusters choose their own destructor at the end of the first Ghostbusters movie.”

Great movie!

Perfect Drink for the Start of Fall

This is an absolute epic original that is equally as good if not better then the crap that makes it to the top of the Billboard Charts (Am actually serious about this too). 

I would like to thank Hub for pointing out that she does indeed have two front teeth.  It appears she also has one or two teeth in the back as well.  Probably for grinding up discount meat. 

It is also worth noting that she has a dog.  I would like to make a teeth comparison between the two. 

Prediction… the dog wins in a landslide.

Lovely Voice, Lovely Face

At the time I first watched this video there were just under 500, 000 views of it on youtube.  The quality of this video makes me think that I’m doing something wrong in life.  Rather than taking the low brow approach on this one and pointing out the obvious greatness of this video I’ll point out the hidden gems.

1.  I’m not 100% but I think the mascots from the Vancouver Olympics might be over her right shoulder.

2.  Notice the large picture of Dale Earnhartd Sr. on her wall when she leans forward.

3.  Impeccable air guitar.

4.  The chicken slash bus driver dance she does during the outro.

5.  Her uncanny ability to accidently harmonize with the actual song playing in the background.

6.  The drool sliding down the right corner of her mouth.

7.  Her very profound and distinguished mustache.

8.  Her “bye bye now” comment at the end.

9.  The fact that there are more videos of her on youtube.

10. I have to state the obvious here…SHE ONLY HAS ONE TOOTH!

State of Emergency has Newfoundlander’s Jonesin’ for a Cold Drink

The Avalon Peninsula in Newfoundland was pounded by Hurricane Igor today, which caused a number of towns and cities to declare states of emergency.  After seeing the damage and hearing the personal stories of many Newfoundlanders, it made me thankful that Hurricane Earl was such a joke when it passed over Halifax a couple of weeks ago.

There was the one man who’s abandoned boat and fishing nets blew into his neighbours yard.  Now the army will have to be called in to move the boat back to its rightful place on the guy’s front yard.

There was the other guy whose sitting pale had to be flipped right side up to catch the water leaking through his ceiling.  Now the guy has nowhere to sit and will be forced to stand until Igor has cleared the area.

There was the one house whose street side mailbox disappeared.  Where is the welfare cheque going to go now?  One things for sure, the mailman isn’t going to go out of his way to deliver the cheque unless this house gets a new mailbox pronto.

The most devastating and region wide problem is the loss of power.  Most Newfoundlanders are out of cold beer and have begun drinking the warm ones that hadn’t yet had a chance to make it to the fridge.  Unless power is restored in time for the liquor stores to open tomorrow it is expected that absolute chaos and pandemonium will sweep through the region… Wrestlemania style.

In all seriousness though, it does look pretty bad over there so somebody should probably go and help them out.

Zinger!

I keep hearing jokes that I think are hysterical so I’ve created a page (right hand column) to record them.  So check into the joke page from time to time to see what I think is funny.

Most will be dirty so don’t leave any comment about how dirty they are cause I already know they are dirty.

Feel free to leave your own and if I like them I may just add them to the list.

A Steak Better

Today I discovered a way to become rich beyond my wildest dreams.  Two words… DISCOUNT MEAT.

I went to the grocery story to buy a Wii accessory and decided to pick up some steaks for myself and the LC.  To my surprise, there were two top sirloin steaks 30% OFF.  Why were they 30% OFF?  They expired tomorrow.  Sure they looked a little pale and smelled a little off but they grilled up to perfection.   It was honestly one of the best steak I’ve had in a while which caused me to proclaim at dinner that I will only eat discount meat from this day forward.

The math is simple.   Two $10 steaks at 30% OFF would allow me to save $6 dollars a week on steak alone.  If I start buying chicken, pork and fish at 30% OFF every week I’m going to be saving a solid $20-$25 a week on meat.  This doesn’t seem like a lot but it would add up over the year.

The real key to becoming rich on discount meat is to convince your significant other that the meat is such a good deal that they should just pay for it all.  This is what I did today.  So, rather than saving a measly $6 on steak I saved $20 because I didn’t pay for it at all.

That’s just good economic sense if you ask me.

Terry Fox – The Greatest Canadian

On September 2, 1980, Terry Fox was forced to end his courageous Marathon of Hope just outside of Thunder Bay, ON after running for 143 days and covering 5, 373 kilometers across Canada.  Terry’s campaign to raise cancer awareness and overcome the disease came to an end when he died nine months later on June 28, 1981.

Terry’s Marathon of Hope began with little fan fair when he dipped his prosthetic leg into the Atlantic Ocean near St. John’s Nfld on April 12, 1980.  By the time he reached the Ontario boarder Terry had reached rock star status as thousands of Ontarian’s lined the streets in support of his efforts.   Among the supporters was Hockey Hall of Famer Bobby Orr who presented Terry with a personal cheque for $25, 000.  Terry considered meeting the great Bruins defenceman as the highlight of his journey of hope.  By the time Terry’s cancer had spread to his lungs and was forced to abandon his efforts, his Marathon of Hope had raised $1.7 million.  One week later CTV held a telethon that raised another $10.5 million in support of Terry and the Canadian Cancer Society.

Terry’s influence around the world was so prominent that as his health worsened and his fait became imminent Pope John Paul II sent Terry a telegram informing Terry he was praying for him.  When Terry died, the Government of Canada ordered all flags across the country lowered to half mast and Prime Minister Trudeau addressed the House of Commons stating, “It occurs very rarely in the life of a nation that the courageous spirit of one person unites all people in the celebration of his life and in the mourning of his death….We do not think of him as one who was defeated by misfortune but as one who inspired us with the example of the triumph of the human spirit over adversity.”

Since Terry’s death, the annual Terry Fox Run has become the world’s largest one-day fundraiser for cancer research while raising more than $500 million.  Tomorrow is the 30^th running of the Terry Fox Run, which coincides with the T.V. premier of Into the Wind on TSN 2 co-directed by British Columbian and NBA star Steve Nash.   This film celebrates the life of Terry Fox while addressing his state of mind and thoughts and reflections throughout his Marathon of Hope.

In 2004 Terry Fox finished second to Tommy Douglas in CBC’s campaign to determine The Greatest Canadian.  With respect to the great efforts of Tommy Douglas and his creation of universal public health care, Terry Fox should have been declared The Greatest Canadian. Terry was everything a good Canadian should be.  Intelligent, driven, dedicated, passionate, humble and inspiring are only a handful of adjectives that consummate the person that was Terry Fox.  His legacy must not and will not ever die for he is The Greatest Canadian.

Rule No. 1 – Don’t Mess With “The Hof”

Today I inquired with the LC as to when Dancing with the Stars fires up this year.  The most specific answer she could give was “pretty soon” which was good enough for me.  Show’s like Dancing with the Stars don’t typically tickle my fancy because the stars are usually “C” class hacks that don’t deserve to have their names and the word star in the same sentence.  This year’s show isn’t much different than years past with the likes of dopey eyes Audrina from The Hills and “The Situation” from Jersey Shore joining the cast.  However, these two fame whores are over shadowed by a real star… “The Hof”.  That’s right former Baywatch star and now walking sideshow David Hasselhoff is in this year’s Dancing with the Stars.  “The Hof” is definitely a star worth tuning in for.

Apparently “The Hof” has already begun choreographing his first routine.  It is reported that “The Hof” will run onto the stage in slow motion to his own song “Looking for Freedom” after crushing 30 plus beers.  He will then proceed to try and eat a hamburger while flopped down on the ground like a mermaid.  While doing so, he will take credit for the Berlin Wall coming down and mention that his burger is a mess after he fails numerous times to put it in his mouth.  All the while, his Dancing with the Stars partner will be recording the entire routine on her phone and comment that he promised not to drink that night. Just when you think the routine couldn’t get any better, “The Hof” will stumble to the judges station and “X” himself out of the competition.

It’s kind of a satirical dance but mostly it’s just “The Hof” being “The Hof”. A.K.A. awesome.

Prediction:  “The Hof” will not only win Dancing with the Stars, he will be the only star that survives his awesomeness.

Should be a good one!

Curtains

I saw about the first two minutes of the MTV Music Video Awards the other night and that was more then enough for me.  At that part of the show Lady Gaga was dressed like a rooster which I felt was a little over the top.  I also felt really bad for the dude sitting behind her because her rooster hat was completely obstructing his view.  I woke up the next day to hear on the radio that later in the night Lady Gaga changed into a dress made of meat and accessorized with a meat handbag.   People keep talking about how outrageous and cutting edge Lady Gaga is and continue to compare her innovative style to that of Madonna in the 80s.  What no one has seemed to notice about Lady Gaga’s meat dress is how cheap it was.   As far as I can tell all she did was throw her skanky labia over her shoulders and call it a dress.

Yep… I just went there!